Fullmetal Messenger
by Cledism is my religion
Summary: The Fullmetal Alchemist characters have discovered MSN! Will they use this new form of communication for good- or for EVIL?
1. Chapter 1

**So yeah, I was bored so my best friend Honorary-Weasley-Lover and I decided to make fun of come of the FMA characters. Don't know whether it's actually funny, don't care. **

**(BTW: I absolutely love FMA and all of these characters, so please don't take offence.) **

**(I also don't own Fullmetal Alchemist. Not matter how hard I wish. And Wish. AND WISH! )**

_Edward, Alphonse, Roy, Riza, Hughes, Armstrong, Winry, Rose, Pinako, Havoc, Scheska, Envy, Lust, Gluttony and Wrath have logged in. _

Roy: Hey guys, I'm Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Pipsqueak!

Edward: And I'm Colonel Roy Bastard, and I love myself!

Riza: Bad mental image... *Grimace*

Havoc: My name is Riza Hawkeye, and I'm so very desperately in love with Roy Mustang!

Riza: Yeah, and I'm Jean Havoc, and I'm smoke way too much!

Havoc: *cough cough* Whatever...

Lust: And my name is Winry, and I need to wear more clothes.

Winry: And my name is Lust, and I NEED TO WEAR MORE CLOTHES! And underwear, I need to start wearing underwear.

Lust: How did you know?

Pinako: WAY too much information!

Envy: Calm down ladies, no need to fight!

Winry+ Lust: Shut up palm tree.

Envy: BROTHER! They're picking on me!

Alphonse: Hey, that's my line!

Edward: And I'm not your brother!

Envy: ! Hoenheim!

Edward: Sorry, but Daddy isn't here.

Envy: *Sniff sniff*

_Envy has logged off. _

Wrath: Haha lol. Big brother's having a tantrum.

_Envy has logged on._

Envy: I AM NOT!

_Envy has logged off. _

Gluttony: What a dick.

*Everyone except Gluttony and Lust*: You can talk?

Gluttony: ...

Rose: Okaaaayy... I'm Wrath and I cry too much.

Wrath: I'm Rose and I have horrible pink hair.

Hughes: And I'm Armstrong and I don't take steroids, it's all natural!

Armstrong: That's right! These muscles have been passed down the Armstrong line!

Pinako: Riiiiiight...

Armstrong: And I'm Hughes and I'm in love with my daughter Elisia!

Hughes: Does everyone was to see a picture?

_Everyone has received an e-mail from: Hughes. _

*Everyone*: HUGHES!

Hughes: ...Er, I have to go now... Coming Gracia!

_Hughes has logged off._

Edward: Well I'm bored... Hey Al, want to go hang out with Fletcher and Russel?

Alphonse: Sure, hey Winry, wanna come?

Winry: Of Course!

Cheska: Can I als-

_Everyone has logged off. _

Cheska: Well that leaves me with... me. I'm just going to go write out the entire English Dictionary from memory. Bye.

_Cheska has logged off. _

**And no, I do not care if there are spelling mistakes or bad grammar. **

***Warning: this probably won't be updated for a while, since I only started it to blow off steam***


	2. Chapter 2

**Fullmetal Messenger Chapter Two- Military Gossip.**

**BTW: I have NO IDEA why the hell Breda isn't in this! He's one of my favourite characters!**

_Hawkeye, Havoc, Hughes, Mustang, Armstrong, and Feury have logged in. _

Havoc: Hey did you guys hear what happened to Ed?

*Everyone*: What?

Hawkeye: He fell down a rabbit hole?

Havoc: No

Hughes: He got married to Winry?

Havoc: What? No.

Mustang: He got mistaken for an elementary school kid?

Havoc: Yes

Mustang: Really? *hopeful*

Havoc: NO!

Mustang: :"(

Armstrong: Come on tell us!

Feury: Did he get mauled by a pack of kittens again?

Mustang: Wait, that actually happened?

Feury: Yeah, Alphonse brought home like 150 stray kittens, and they all tried to eat Edward.

Havoc: They though he was a shrimp

Mustang: !

Hawkeye: *Snigger*

Havoc: He got immunised

Hughes: lol :D

Havoc: Then he blew up the entire hospital

Hughes: Why did I know you were going to say that?

Mustang: You know, sometimes you really got to hand it to short people...

Hawkeye: ... because most of the time, they just can't reach it!

Mustang: EPIC RIZA!

Hawkeye: Hypothetical high-five!

.

. .

. . .

. . . .

. . . . .

. . . . . .

Mustang: That was awesome! :D

*Everyone except Hawkeye and Mustang*: WHAT WAS THAT?

Hawkeye + Mustang: Er... Nothing.

Hawkeye: ...Umm... So how 'bout that Fureh... eh?...

Armstrong: You mean Fureh King Bradley?

Hawkeye: Who else could I mean?

Feury: You know I never liked that guy

Havoc: I swear he has a bald spot

Hughes: At least he has a wife... Unlike someone else I know!

Mustang: Give it a rest will you?

Havoc: I think we all know what'll happen when you're Fureh...

Mustang: Oh, yes, TINY MINISKIRTS!

Hawkeye: *Facedesk*

Armstrong: Riza , stop banging your head on the desk. You'll dent it.

Hawkeye: I'll dent you in a minute...

Armstrong: WHAT WAS THAT?

Hawkeye: Nothing...

Armstrong: Hmmmmmm? *Flexes overly large muscles*

Hawkeye:...

Feury: You should have seen what Havoc did to FKB's user-

_Fureh King Bra has logged on_

Fureh King Bra: WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?

*Everyone*: Er...

_Everyone has logged off. _

Fureh King Bra: When I find out I'm gonna... Wait, where is everyone?

**A/N:Soooooooooooo... Um yeah, this is it. I REALLY hope I don't disappoint you! **

**Anywhoooo, on to other things, the bit where Mustang is laughing his head off, imagine Shigure's reaction to when he sees Tohru in the tent in Fruits Basket (the manga).**

**And YES I AM GOING TO PRETEND THAT I NEVER TOOK THREE MONTHS TO UPDATE! AND NO, I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE A LAME EXCUSE!**

Sorry...


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